You’re a Fons, I’m a Fons, Let’s Do Lunch.

posted in: Chicago, Family 2
You are so freakin' pretty! Holy cannoli!
I look out of windows THE SAME WAY.

Dear Emily Fons:

We have never met. Would you like to have lunch? A salad and a latte? A slice? What do you like? It’s my treat, I know lots of good places, and yes, we should definitely have dessert.

Ms. Fons, I am Mary Fons, and that’s weird. It’s weird to be me, yes, but it’s also weird that we share a last name. You are a Fons! There aren’t that many of us in the big scary world. In fact, I only know of six others and their phone numbers are in my speed dial. Are we related by blood, Emily Fons? If we aren’t, please pretend that we are. Because here’s what I know about you:

1. You’re an opera singer
2. You’re a very good opera singer
3. You’re super pretty (see photo)
4. Your website is lovely

These are all good signs. Here’s what you should know about me:

1. I am not a stalker
2. but I am coming to see you when you perform at the Lyric next month!
3. that does sound creepy
4. seriously, I’m cool

What do you say, Fons?

God, that feels good! I never call anyone “Fons” except my sisters and it’s boring by now — we’re all adults! We’ve been doing this for years! We need fresh Fons! Be that new Fons smell, Emily. We’re really fun — the whole family! We’re educated, we like word games, we store top-shelf liquor, we support the endeavors of one another (a few boyfriends have gotten the stink-eye, but they probably deserved it) and we are almost dangerously creative. You’d fit right in, maybe? A little?

Email me. Comment. Tweet. You can find me. I’m 100% serious about all this. I’m pretty sure you’re in my town and I think we should have lunch. And the only thing you’ll need to worry about in terms of creep factor is that you might catch me staring at you like a weirdo a couple times. Just a couple. But I’ve never known a real, live opera singer — or a Fons I didn’t know.

2 Responses

  1. Betsy
    | Reply

    So, did you get to meet?!!

    • Mary Fons
      | Reply

      Not yet!!! Oh, Betsy! I’m still searching… Desperately Seeking Emily. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.