I am waging a war with a pen. Actually, I am waging a war with a Citibank ATM vestibule.
The only reason I “like” banking at Citibank is that in the 15 years I have been a customer, Citibank has not been absorbed by a series of other banks like most everyone else’s bank seems to be.
It happens all the time around here: On Tuesday, you’re banking at Bankorama and then Bankorama gets bought out by Blinky Bank; by Wednesday, you’re a Blinky Banker. Then Blinky Bank gets bought out by Ba-Donk-a-Donk Bank and now when people ask you “So where do you keep your life’s savings and petty cash?” you have to say, “At Ba-Donk-a-Donk Bank.” You do not have to say that for long, thankfully, because it’s only a matter of time before Ba-Donk-a-Donk Bank gets…you get the idea.
Citibank has consistency going for them and I appreciate that, but I’ve had plenty of run-ins with statement errors and exorbitant fees. I’ve endured agonizingly slow service and I’ve overdrawn my account a few times. (It just feels better to blame them for that.)
But not until this spring did I question my loyalty. Why did I question my loyalty?
Because the pen in the ATM vestibule of the Michigan and Monroe branch has been dead since May. May!
I told them in May. With a chipper attitude, I let the tellers know that the metal pen on the cord attached to the table in the ATM vestibule was not functioning and that they might want to replace it. Several weeks later, finding myself without a pen and needing to deposit a $1m check (just kidding, it was $40), I told them again. Next time I’m at the bank — after hours this time — and need a pen… Same pen! That pen has no ink! The pen is just a metal nib that scratches paper but does not mark! How hard is it to change out the pen?!
I started leaving notes. In the vestibule one evening, I took an envelope out of the trash and wrote — with a pen I found in my purse, thank goodness — “Fix this pen!!” and I stabbed the pen through the envelope so it might be seen.
No dice. That pen is still the same pen. So I left another note, which you can see above. I’ll leave one more because it’s really fun and funny to yell at a bank about a pen, but if nothing changes, I shall write a stern letter. I can only do a few things really well in life and baby, writing a stern letter is definitely one of them.
In fact, if you ever need a stern letter, call me. I’ll pen one for you.
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