A Sweetened Condensed Milk Emergency.

posted in: Food 24
A mug of tea that will make the world a better place, one sip at a time. Photo: Wikipedia.
A mug of tea that will make the world a better place, one sip at a time. Photo: Wikipedia.


First, an update:

There were literally thousands of people* who took the first-ever PaperGirl survey the other day and I have been analyzing the results. “Analyzing the results” means I am scrolling through the responses and looking at the pie charts Google creates from the data, smiling and getting misty-eyed because you’re hilarious, kind, thoughtful people. Several of you, judging by the ink blot question, are super deep. I like deep. (There’s still plenty of time to take the survey. The link in this paragraph will take you there.)

In other news, this morning, I realized that I did not remember to buy half-and-half for my morning tea. This is a problem.

Drinking tea with honey without adding any milky fluid doesn’t work for me. I’ll bet a food scientist could tell me why. She would poke her glasses up on her nose with her index finger and say,”Oh, yes, well, that’s simple. You see, when combined in 170-degree tea, your milk polymers bond with your honey polymers and create what’s known as the ‘Earl Grey Bliss Point’ (EGBP) flavor profile.”

I would slap her on the back and say, “I knew it! Thanks, doc!” And the scientist would look startled and charge me $2,045 for the hour she took to tell me why I like what I like.

It’s happened before that I have been without half-n-half and I have solved this in different ways. I’ll make black coffee, say. Or I’ll pull on some pants and go down to the Peet’s Coffee on the corner and get a latte, which is a real treat and the only thing that cheers me up at times like these. But I looked really bad this morning: mascara under my eyes, crazy hair, and I needed a shower after running around the 90-degree Chicago heat the day before. I couldn’t inflict myself upon the good people of Peet’s Coffee.

Did I have a can of milk in the pantry? Sometimes I have those for cooking various treats. I peered into the shelf. No dice. But what did I spy? What can of milky substance did I spy with my little, squinty, dry-contacted eye?

Sweetened condensed milk.

But that would be ridiculous, I thought. What is this, Over The Rainbow Magic Fairy Dust Land? Nobody puts sweet, thick, delicious, almost-dulce-de-leche sweetened condensed milk in their tea! In the morning! Before they eat breakfast!

Unless they do. Unless they have to. Unless it’s an emergency problem situation.  

It was so good. It was like, so good. Earl Grey Creme tea with sweetened condensed milk in it is something I could get used to. This is partly due to the flavor of the stuff, but also because I thought I’d better brew my tea extra dark so that it could handle the sweetness of the goo and the resulting beverage was rocket fuel. Woo! I rode my bike to class in like six seconds.

Sweetened condensed milk in your tea is officially PaperGirl Recommended.


*Please tell me there weren’t a handful of people who took the survey 1,000 times.

24 Responses

  1. Diana Foree
    | Reply

    I’m a tea girl and I have to drink mine with creamer…peppermint or vanilla. Bigelow has a delicious Salted Caramel tea that I know you’d love!

  2. Corinne
    | Reply

    Ready Whip will work too. Ask me how I know. 🙂

  3. Cathy Wilkymacky
    | Reply

    There’s nothing bad about sweetened condensed milk—it would make gasoline taste like an acceptable morning beverage!! I don’t usually use cream or sugar in my tea and/or coffee, but I may have to try this sinful treat you have introduced us to. As if I didn’t have enough temptation in my life…thank you, Mary!

  4. Ruth
    | Reply

    When I started reading, I thought that you should keep some shelf-stable milk on hand, but your solution is MUCH better!
    Will you be telling us the survey results?

  5. Deb
    | Reply

    I hear you Mary, often have to use it as a fall back for my coffee if I’m out of ‘cow’. It saves the day and no jelly slice this week!

  6. Linda Taylor
    | Reply

    Try it by the spoonful as a snack ! Lol

  7. Michael
    | Reply

    Clearly I will have to try this “Paper Girl” tea!
    P.S. Only took th survey once.

  8. Paula
    | Reply

    Sweetened condensed milk makes such lovely desserts! But if you have your half and half along with some HEAVY whipping cream, just forget the tea and make Lavender Pastry Cream. It solves all the world’s problems

  9. Rhonda Mossner
    | Reply

    If Martha Stewart can eat it straight out of the can with a spoonon TV, you can put it in your tea. Life is too short! Enjoy!

  10. Ginger
    | Reply

    I normally drink my tea with no milk or sweetener. I have put sweetened condensed milk in coffee and it is awesome. I’ll have to try it in tea. I am making a recipe tomorrow that calls for a half can of SCM, so I’ll have leftovers. Thanks for the idea.

  11. Tammy Cady
    | Reply

    Cooool! This sounds like it should have been the plan all along…like the key to door #3. It makes sense. The caramel undertones of the sweetened condensed milk and tea do meld well. Plus…SCM is the bomb – flat out!

  12. Lisa Gainey Floyd
    | Reply

    Corrine is right. Love Reddi Whip in coffee. Not Cool Whip, which would be oil. Ewwww!, Gonna have to try the cream.

  13. Nicole
    | Reply

    Nice save! I’m miserable without tea first thing. But I have kids and we can NEVER run out of milk (or cheerios, peanut butter, apples, bread, or chicken). I might try your solution around christmas baking time when we go through loads of condensed milk and have extra. Opening a can just for tea sounds too decadent for me!

    And in other news, I know you’re famous so please ignore this and stop reading now but I like your blog lots so I included you in my list of nominations for the ‘one lovely blog award’. Blergh, totally embarrassed now. https://handwroughtquilts.wordpress.com/2016/09/09/one-lovely-blog-award/

    And now I’m going to go hide somewhere and drink tea.

  14. Britiney
    | Reply

    This is something I can NEVER try.

  15. H Diane Lewis
    | Reply

    My Grandmother Stilwell always used sweetened condensed milk in her tea. When she would visit, we girls would get to have hot tea with her. A lovely memory.

  16. Rebecca
    | Reply

    Mm tasty!
    Only did the survey once though now I think I could have been more creative with my ink blot answer 😉

  17. pat hicks
    | Reply

    I will definitely try this. I went sewing today in clothes I wore yesterday, and just out of bed hair just because it was my day off and know that the people I would be sewing with wouldn’t say anything. After reading your post I probably shouldn’t have subjected the sews to that. I love everything you write even though I don’t respond often. Hope your day was delightfulooking

  18. Juline
    | Reply

    I add a teaspoon or so of sweetened condensed milk to my daily espresso.

  19. Gabrielle
    | Reply

    In some parts of India they make the chai tea with sweetened condensed milk. Yummy.

  20. Nancy Neely
    | Reply

    Sweetened condensed milk should not be substituted for condensed milk when making fudge, however. I made that mistake 40 years ago and my husband still won’t eat my fudge. His loss is my gain. Literally. I do gain.

  21. Judith J Jorgenruda
    | Reply

    Thank you for a nudge. I am off to Kroger. I can’t have SCM in the house. I punch a hole in the top and sip it straight from the can, disguise the can, and hide it behind yesterday’s leftovers. It won’t make it till dawn. It never makes it until tea time. My husband was British .. milk only, no half and half, and certainly nothing powdered. He never mentioned sweetened condensed milk. This fullfills my goal to make a major life change this month. Thanks.

  22. Pam Williams
    | Reply

    If you need, as opposed to want a dessert, I have read you can boil sweetened condensed milk for an unknown
    number of hours and it turns into a caramel dream. I can’t have it because I have milk intolerance. Sad face……

  23. […] makes me laugh and then cry and then laugh again. That’s why you get PG posts about sweetened condensed milk, then something about love, then death, and so […]

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