When Slippers Kill

posted in: Day In The Life 9
THESE CUTE SLIPPERS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE SLIPPERS OF DOOM. (Slippers of Doom not pictured.) Image: Wikipedia.
THESE CUTE SLIPPERS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE SLIPPERS OF DOOM. (Slippers of Doom not pictured.) Image: Wikipedia.


A few days ago, I talked about how I have what could be called “home clothes.”

House slippers, a common element in your average loungewear ensemble, were not included in the description of my loungewear, however, because I’ve never been that into slippers. But just a few days after that post, what did I find when I reached into the depths of my closet to switch over my wardrobe from Warmish to Coldish?

I found a pair of slippers.

I had forgotten about them. They were your average pair of slippers. They were normal-looking, nothing suspicious. Navy blue, moccasin-style, fleece-lined with a decorative leather lacing. The soles were made of plastic. I think I got them at the Gap or something? You know the kind.

“Sweet,” I thought, and promptly put these ‘slips on my feet. Sounds good, right? Yeah, well, these slippers are trying to kill me.

This morning, I did my usual thing. I got up, prepared the tea tray, took my medicine, lit a small candle on the coffee table, and settled in for some morning reading on the couch. I was wearing my slippers and felt happy about that.

At some point while I was reading and slurping, I wiggled my toes in my slippers and, “Ah!” I said, because in wiggling my toes I broke the plastic on the bottom and stuck my whole toe through the dang slipper! And it scratched me! My slippers were busted and my toe was aggrieved. You think you’ve got a lagniappe situation and it turns out to be a real crock.

But that was nothing.

I set down my tea and reached down to my toes — hey, I’m flexible — and checked to make sure I wasn’t seriously wounded. (It didn’t look that bad but what about rabies??) I pulled off the slipper and tossed it to the side and where did it land?

It landed on the candle!

“Ah!” I cried, and grabbed it immediately, losing my place in my book and snapping the lead on my pencil in the process.

“That’s curtains for you!” I said to the slippers, and I marched them right over to the trash can. I paused over the recycling bin (which is really just a Trader Joe’s bag, let’s be honest) but I decided murderous slippers are best not recycled into a water bottle.

It has only now struck me that it is Halloween!