THE TALE OF THE KNIFE LADY! FOR HALLOWEEEEEEEN!!!!!

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Image: Straight up stolen from Daily Kitchen.com. It's good enough to risk a cease and desist letter.
Image: Straight up stolen from Daily Kitchen.com. It’s good enough to risk a cease and desist letter.

Would you like to hear a spoooooooky story? One juuuuuuust perfect for a night like toniiiiiiight, so clooooooose to Halloweeeeeeen?

:: wiggles fingers ::

You dooooooooo? Okay, here’s what happened and every part of this story is 100% true:

My favorite fabric shears need to be sharpened and also my kitchen knife needs to be sharpened. (No, I can’t sharpen these things myself: I have a tiny sharpening stone and can kinda use it with the knife but damn near ruined my scissors on it. I need help.) Yuri found a place in Chinatown that will sharpen anything you can brandish, so we made our way down there today. He wasn’t excited about the errand; we just wanted to take a walk together.

And sooooo it waaaaaaaas that a essentially mild-mannered, normal-enough, mid-thirties white woman went walking through a fair stretch of Manhattan…

WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE IN HER TOTEBAG!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Then! The niiiiice couple went to an open-air bar in the Seaport Historic District, down by the Brooooooooooklyn Bridge because a mid-afternoon glaaaaaaaaass of wiiiiiiiiine soooooounded refreshing. The young man went to order the drinks. The white lady sat in the window. She hung her totebag on the purse hook underneath the bar. She pulled out her magazine and…

THE BUTCHER KNIFE FELL ON THE FLOOR OF THE BAR AND EVERYONE IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY SAW IT AND THEY ALL SCREAMED AND WERE LIKE, “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!”

The white lady scrambled to pick up the knife! She laughed a weak laugh! She gave a shrug of her shoulders as if to say, “Long story” and she stuffed the knife back in her totebag, ignoring the looks of DEATH AND FEAR FROM EVERYONE IN THE BAR!!!!

AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Happy Halloween!

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