Conversation With a Spambot No. 82261

posted in: Day In The Life 5
Hello, yourself. Image: Wikipedia.
Hello, yourself. Image: Wikipedia.


I get spam.

A few months ago, I got so much emailed spam that it shut down my inbox and it was horrible. The only thing worse than having an avalanche of email is having no email at all. That’s some spooky Halloween stuff, let me tell you. Usually, though, I have a manageable-but-still-life-depleting amount of spam and, like everyone else, I just have to delete it.

My blog gets enough traffic that now I get spam comments, too. Not that many; WordPress has pretty solid spam filters. But when a couple came over the transom the other day I thought I’d have some fun with them. Not the same kind of fun I had with this internet-age S.O.B. (a bit of mischief I’m still quite proud of, honestly.) No, I thought it would be amusing to have a conversation with one of these comments, just between me and “him,” right here, so as to highlight their absurd nature and to get my mind off the stabby feelings.

I’ve taken the spam comment verbatim from the source. It’s not a long spam comment, so the conversation will be brief — this time. I’ve got a few other spambot comments stockpiled for a special occasion. Next time, I might not be so nice.

by Mary Fons and Unidentified Spambot

SPAMBOT: I see you don’t monetize your blog

MARY: Do you actually see things? Or are you just chains of code trash written by some sorry soul for reasons few of us shall ever understand?

SPAMBOT: don’t waste your traffic

MARY: If by “traffic” you are referring to my readers I object. Are you suggesting I plunder my readers’ trust and time for my own gain? And what sort of gain are you suggesting I’m wasting? A pox on you, sir!

SPAMBOT: you can earn extra bucks every month because you’ve got hi-quality content.

MARY: You legit just said “hi-quality.” With an “h-i.” At least you’re right about the quality — or are you “rite” about it?

SPAMBOT: If you want to know how to make extra bucks,

MARY: I’m listening.

SPAMBOT: search for: Mrdalekjd methods for $$$!!!!!!

MARY: Wow! You are like, super legit and not sketchy at all. I’ll be in touch!

SPAMBOT: Really??? It worked???

MARY: Nope.