How To Wash a Quilt: 6 Easy Steps

posted in: Family, Quilting, Tips 1
The Royal We, by Mary Fons, 2013. It's in my book.
The Royal We, by Mary Fons, 2013. It’s in my book.

Last night, I had the pleasure of speaking at a quilt guild in the Chicago suburbs. Everyone was gracious and awesome. There were many pans of bars. A merry time was had by all and I was honored to be there. Thank you, ladies.

When you do public speaking, there are a few loose rules to follow. You want to start out with thank you’s to the audience and the organizers, calling out specifically (albeit subtly) the person who will be signing your check; you want to keep things clipping along, so watch those tangents; if it’s a slideshow have lots of slides; and always have a closer.

This last thing is something used more by comedians than Toastmasters, but it’s a smart move for anyone who has the attention of a large, seated group of people for more than thirty minutes. A closer is the last bit a comedian does before leaving the stage. This closing piece is typically the comedian’s biggest joke and receives the biggest laugh.

I have a closer. Slays ’em every time. Wanna hear it? This comes straight from Marianne Fons, who, you’ll remember, is hilarious. It’s really better in person, so you’ll have to invite me to your guild, shop, or event so I can bring the house down with it, okay? You might have to be a quilter to really get it, but I assure you, this illicits howls of laughter for those who know.

How To Wash a Quilt In 6 Easy Steps
(The Fons Way)

1. Get your hands on some gentle detergent. Orvus paste is good, even a gentle lingerie detergent would do. 

2. Find a front-loading washer with a gentle cycle. (The front-loader’s agitation is better for a quilt than the spinny, top-loading model.) 

3. Get a large, oldish towel. This could be a beach towel, or something else from the linen closet or garage. 

4. Fold the towel several times long-ways. Place towel at the base of the machine, right there at the front.

5. Load your quilt. Load detergent. Press “start” on the machine. 

6. Get down on your knees on that towel, woman, and pray.

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