I Need To Talk About the Magic Eraser.

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The marketers for Mr. Clean have taken to giving him a Christ-like halo. Super weird. Photo: Me
The marketers for Mr. Clean have taken to giving him a Christ-like halo. Super weird. Photo: Me

I need to talk about the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

What is it.

What is this thing.

As I go through my home and detail after having tenants, I have found a modest number of smudges on the lower half of several walls. No big deal. I frequently practice my half-pipe skateboard tricks inside my condo and have made a few scuffs, myself.

It’s so cool that most of the time, you can clean anything more naturally and just as well — or better — soap and water and elbow grease. White vinegar and baking soda, too. But I can’t wash these matte-finish walls with soap and water. Not only am I threatening the paint, that method kinda just spreads the mark around.

What is the Magic Eraser.

Someone said, “Oh, just get a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It’ll take the scuffs right out.” Eh, okay, I thought, and when I was in Target the other day, I went for it.

What is the Magic Eraser.

It worked. The scuffs — several pretty serious, by the way — are gone. No trace. Zero evidence. I erased dirt. I erased time. I erased evidence, which freaks me out. How might criminals use Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser? I think this thing could obliterate DNA evidence. Of course it could, because it’s got magic in it.

Sure, I could go to the website or do a google search and learn what the Magic Eraser is made of. But I decided against that. I don’t want to know. I never want to know. I want to believe that the product actually has a sprinkle of real magic! So don’t tell me.

By the way, Marianne Fons has confessed to me on several occasions that she always had a crush on Mr. Clean. “The earring,” she says, “The earring’s kinda sexy. And he’s so buff. I don’t know.”

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