“Miss! This Is a Library!”

posted in: Day In The Life 11
Library! Photo: Wikipedia.
Library! Photo: Wikipedia.


I have a joke for you.

It’s not ideal to write out a joke which is meant to be told, but can I possibly meet everyone who reads PaperGirl and personally deliver this joke? I’d like to, sure, but verily, I say unto thee, I cannot.

There is one caveat — and I know with every sentence I’m writing before telling this joke, more people are yelling, “Get on with it, Fons!” — but the caveat remains:

This is a blonde joke.

Before folks arch an eyebrow or puffs up in any sort of (admirably) defensive way, remember: I’ve been blonde for the better part of nine months and I’ve been a proud female for over three decades. I am also a person who regularly does or says daffy-but-hopefully-charming things that I often later regret. Considering all that, the way I see it is that I can tell a blonde joke without reservation. Not everyone is allowed to tell all jokes and that’s not some identity politics thing you need to be wary of, not some “don’t be so sensitive!” thing with which, frankly, I often side. But as a favorite comedian of mine says, “In jokes, you have to ‘punch up.’ You have to make fun of the guy bigger than you; not the guy smaller than you. That’s kind of the code. You get away from that and stuff starts not being so funny.” Anyway, my point is that I can tell this joke and I can’t believe I’ve gone into Mary’s Theory of Jokes but there you have it.

Note: Perhaps my lengthy positioning on this is due to the fact that I’ve taken my lumps on this blog when some folks, however well-meaning, didn’t catch a certain subtlety. With all this exposition, I may still feel the sting of public opinion.

But whether or not you should tell this joke is up to your judgment. Just know that I have found this joke suitable for every social situation in which it has been appropriate to start telling jokes. In my opinion, these situations present themselves with great frequency.

And now, finally: The Blonde In a Library joke:

So this blonde walks into a library. She goes up to the librarian and says, real loud and obnoxious:

“Can I get a cheeseburger and fries?”

The librarian, horrified, whispers to the woman, “Miss! This is a library!”

The blonde goes, “Oh! Sorry!” — and then, in a whisper — “Can I get a cheeseburger and fries?”

It’s really funny! You might have to try it on someone, that I’ll accept. Really get that high and low down for the blonde character, that loud, “Can I get a cheeseburger and fries??” and then drop down real low to a whisper when she corrects herself. And make the librarian very upset.

And it has just occurred to me that I should’ve spent the whole post apologizing to librarians. This is a perfect example of how you cannot, cannot, cannot please everyone and that trying is a blonde’s errand.

11 Responses

  1. Jeanann
    | Reply

    As a blonde [ sometimes] AND a retired librarian, I LOVED this joke. Thank you for the laugh.

  2. Kathlene Larson
    | Reply

    . I’m blonde and I think it’s cute!

  3. Lindsey
    | Reply

    Dolly Parton said dumb blonde jokes don’t bother her because she knows she’s not blonde and knows she’s not dumb.

    Having retired from the county library system I’ve heard my share of gobsmacking questions from the Public -and they were earnest queries.

  4. Nadine donovan
    | Reply

    Hahahahahahhahaha! I love it!!! I am going to share this at my Ladies Golf League tonight!!! Thanks for the giggles Mary!!

  5. Barbara
    | Reply

    I’ve heard this joke before, and I still laugh at it. By the way, I worked in a library for 20 years.

  6. Clark
    | Reply

    You as a blonde is funnier than the joke.

    Never got the whole “quiet in the library” thing anyhow. Especially now with computers and other stuff. There’s more noise in libraries than at home.

  7. Sharon
    | Reply

    Whether or not you’re a blonde or a librarian, this joke is just plain funny. Everyone needs a good laugh from time to time. Thanks for sharing it!

  8. Kathryn Darnell
    | Reply

    My sister and I are intentional blondes (you get my drift or have seen my bottle). She tells the funniest ‘blonde jokes ever. I will try this one on her, I think it will pass the mustard on the cheeseburger! Gotta quit now or I will be ‘blonde’ all day! Off to the library for lunch!!!

  9. Terri
    | Reply

    I’m a librarian and you don’t owe me any other librarian an apology, in my opinion…we have many similar occurrences…

  10. […] come up with this, I have never met those people or, if I have, they did not tell me this joke. And seeing as how I like to tell jokes and seeing as how plenty of people know what I do for a living, if this joke existed before this […]

  11. […] not to hop in the car and listen to a good book on tape and then hop out at the venue and be entertained by a fake blonde with a sewing […]

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