The Thank You Play

posted in: Paean 10
I love that little rascal. Photo: Me.




MARY is on the couch in her stocking feet. Her hair is wild. She’s crying and throwing things. Not breakable things, and she’s not throwing them hard; she’s just flinging notebook paper, a neck pillow — whatever she can grab that’s handy. PENDENNIS is typing on a laptop.


MARY: Pendennis! (MARY throws a flip-flop.) Pendennis, are you seeing me?? Pendennis!

(PENDENNIS says nothing.)

MARY: Pendennis! I’m throwing things! I’m throwing things because I’m upset! Pendennis, I’m upset!

(No response.) 

MARY: Pendennis, people are so nice! (MARY bursts into tears.) People are nice and I love them. What do I do, Pendennis?? What do I do with my feelings? How am I supposed to live?? Are you even listening to me?? (MARY throws grapes. PENDENNIS says nothing. MARY throws one grape at PENDENNIS and it bounces off his hat. MARY gasps, horrified. She sits up.) Pendennis! Are you okay?

(PENDENNIS gently tips to the right about an inch.)

MARY: I feel the same way. I feel crushed by the weight of love. It’s so crazy, this life, this blog. I’m going to write a personal note to the people who donated money to the blog. I don’t care how much. Anything. I’m going to write them a hand-written note if they have an address; an email if that’s all I have.

(PENDENNIS slips a little bit.)

MARY: Now that I don’t have grad school to do, I can make time for that, don’t worry. But what do I even say?? (MARY picks up a book and squeezes it. Then she wrestles it. Then she just throws it down.) It’s just … I guess you’ll just need to help me, okay? Just help me. (Beat. MARY looks up at the monkey.) That’s it! You have to write the notes! You’ll help! Yes, you have to help. Because I don’t know what to say.

(PENDENNIS says nothing.) 

MARY: Okay, fine. Sure. No more throwing things, no more yelling. I suppose you want me to comb my hair. (Pause.) I’ll do it. I’ll put on my socks and stop throwing things and I’ll comb my hair and I’ll get the list of people who donated and said nice things. And then we’ll get some nice cards and we’ll write the thank-you notes.

(MARY gets off the couch and picks up the books, the notebook paper, the neck pillow, the grapes. She picks up the flip-flop, then she picks up the monkey. They pad across the carpet, and they get into bed, and they go to sleep.) 

[The End]

10 Responses

  1. Patrice Marie
    | Reply

    Mary, Just caught onto your blog. You are brilliant! I’m so jelly of your talent. Can I be president of your fan club?

  2. Dayna
    | Reply

    Poor Pendennis! He sure has to put up with a lot. A wild haired crazy woman, yelling and throwing things. It’s a good thing he loves you.

  3. Anita M
    | Reply

    Love your creativity. Having your column to read is more than enough thanks.

  4. Mary Ann
    | Reply

    And I hope you slept soundly knowing how much we love Paper Girl!

  5. Helen Marie
    | Reply


  6. Maria murphree
    | Reply

    We are investors in Mary Fons stock. We know it will pay future dividends based on the quality that has already been displayed. We believe in you and our investment is a small, tangible demonstration of that.

  7. Bob Collis
    | Reply

    Pendennis knows Mary. He loves her too.

  8. Kathie Hood
    | Reply

    So many minutes to enjoy and bring joy to all! Are you “walking” for graduation?

  9. Cathy Colman
    | Reply

    Happy to donate – I enjoy your blog – but do miss you on the Fons and Porter show.

  10. Glenda
    | Reply

    I’m an investor too! I seek help at times just as we all do. I treasure hunt for fun. Found this which applies to you or yours. Please check out this link.

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