Fight, Fight, Fight

Take that. And that. And this. Image: Wikipedia.



I had a fight last night with Nick. Nick and I had a fight last night. We fought.

So I got back from Wisconsin and had 30 hours at home before I had to leave to fly to Nashville for Quiltfolk. I saw my beautiful friend Bets Ramsey down there and a fine time was had by the Quiltfolk crew working on the pattern project. The location shoot was all well and good — but I was about to find out that my otherwise fabulous Saturday would be an Airport Appreciation Day.

That’s what we say in my family when you experience what I experienced trying to get home: a delayed flight; a long while of just sitting on the tarmac; luggage that literally took 45 minutes to appear on the carousel in Chicago. The result? I got back to the far south side of Chicago too late to go to Sophie’s surprise bachelorette party on the far north side. That’s bad. I feel so rotten about it, I am now scared of Sophie. She will not be mad. She will understand; I couldn’t help it. But it was her bachelorette party. And we love each other. And I’m always out of town. And she’s getting married. So it’s like, “Yo, Fons. Where you at?”

Physically, I was in transit. Mentally, I was in anguish. Because of the party — and because of the fight.

I don’t like fighting. I don’t like the person I am in a fight. I wouldn’t say that I “fight dirty.” But I can get downright ferocious. I yell. Loudly. I also say bad words. That’s crazy to me, that I yell and curse like a sailor, but I do. In a fight, I’ll find myself YELLING at the PERSON for doing THE THING that made/makes me SO MAD, [INSERT EPITHET] — and I’ll think to myself, “Since when did you start yelling and cussin’??”

I think it was with Yuri. That was some yellin’, cussin’ love.

Anyway, I was yellin’ and cussin’ and then I hung up on him and then I was stabbing text messages in ALL CAPS, and that’s worse than YELLING but at least it’s quieter. Wow, but I was hurt. Nick hurt me. He didn’t mean to, but he didn’t … Oh, I won’t go into it here. But yes, I lashed out at him because I was hurt, I was tired, I was definitely going to miss Sophie’s party and then, because the fight was distracting me and I was crying, I actually got off on the wrong stop. It was the pits. It was all just the pits.

I don’t like to fight because I don’t like myself as a fighter.

Is that a good reason to not fight or a terrible reason?

14 Responses

  1. Sue
    | Reply

    Everyone fights and sometimes it helps build a greater understanding of one another

  2. Gayle frankovitch
    | Reply

    BREATHE…. Take a minute for yourself. I quilt and I am a Reiki master and a psychic empath. I have binged watched Quilty and you were just on fons & porter with your mom on Fri. You radiant positive energy lots of it. If you do not release some you become like a balloon and over inflate. That’s when your good energy can turn to guilt, fights with love ones. You need to BREATH…Do yoga,mediate get out of your head. The average speed of your brain falls into warp speed. If Nick is your person. YOUR PERSON. Don’t let words and negative energy that is built up turn into a fight. Call a time out in your fight. BEFORE your negative energy has you both saying mean things. Meditation, yoga, Reiki training. I call b.s. if you just told me you don’t have time. You are on planes and a
    waiting in airports to take online Reiki classes to gently that the rage of negative energy blow up in your face. I watch you so much I feel like I know you not to mention being a psychic empath and feeling your energy. My turn to blow off some steam. I an artist and did some art quilts of some of my paintings. Watched…sigh binged watched Quilty and was hooked on making. Quilt blocks. I am left handed. For two years I have been struggling cutting straight lines. My quilts are WONKY. I have found very little info to help me. I just found out I need to use rulers upside down and backwards. Wtf. Why isn’t there more instructions. If you have done sessions for lefties, I apologize. But if not us lefties need your help. Let some air out of your energy balloon. BREATH. Help lefties.

  3. Liz Flaherty
    | Reply

    47 years married and we had this same kind of fight the other night. It don’t get easier!!

  4. rita penner
    | Reply

    Use it as an opportunity to learn to ‘fight’ better, more fairly, in a more civilized way. Channel someone you’ve heard fight in a more constructive way. At the very least, apologize.

  5. Richard Stofer
    | Reply

    Emotions always destroy logic

  6. Jim B.
    | Reply

    To fight, feohtan in Old English, meaning to win. And to win is the opposite of to lose. To lose is to be lost.

    So . . . If to fight, fight, fight is not you, then what is so crucial to your being that you need to fight, in order to “not” be yourself?

    Look deeper. We always see what is unclear in others, yet can rarely fathom our own mirror image.

    What is this fight for? Some things are worth fighting for, some are not.

    Best from Wordman

  7. Kathie Hood
    | Reply

    This world is changing our personal paradigms of respect and self respect. Saturday we were all at a loss of our truly beloved hot tempered stateman Senator and there were others who were not showing the respect that we thought he deserved. The society we are living in has become disrespectful to each other and though we have opinions and wish them to be respected, sometimes we do not respect those of the other person. It is hard to listen sometimes to that person’s perspective. Our world needs to soften the blows and walk with meaning along side the conversation. While walking you can allow the scenery to moderate the tone and temper. The Japanese physicians are prescribing “forest bathing” like some pediatricians are prescribing “play” for their patients. Your schedule sounds like that of a rock star.

  8. Kathleen
    | Reply

    Today is a fresh start. ❤️

  9. Linda O
    | Reply

    You need a method of ‘venting’ before the fight starts. It’s hard to know when a fight is on the horizon but you can learn to spot them a mile away if you study your fight afterwards. Don’t do this with Nick or a close friend or your mom. You do it alone and you really try to remember the trigger words that got you to blast off. When you hear one, you know what’s coming. Eventually, you learn to defuse yourself. It works best if you agree before hand with that loved one on what you will do when you start seeing the fight coming. Will you both walk away to another room? Will you say you can’t talk now when you are on the phone? Whatever works, there is really truly nothing worth so much angst and emotion that you can’t stop before you are fully engaged in combat. Remember, you can’t hear the other person when you are yelling–and they may be saying something profound that you need to hear.

  10. Sarah Pegg
    | Reply

    Would it be possible to develop a stock reply to the person you are angry with which tells him/her that you have a BIG issue and are restraining your ire in order to communicate more clearly the reasons for your upsetness and your desires regarding acceptable apologies and requested future behaviors? It might look like the following; “I am upset about X and will be communicating details about that within the next X hours. Meantime, I am invoking the “Time Out” doctrine.” (You get to decide what the T.O. doctrine rules are.) In the interval between the stock reply and the “carefully thought out and edited” post T.O. response you can pound pillows, yell foul phrases into the open refrigerator, jump up and down, etc. to your heart’s content. Deep breathing goes along with these exercises. A small bonus.

  11. Janice
    | Reply

    My theory: Adults and children use up all our “good”, nice, rested personality at work or school. When we get home our families get the tired stuff. I try to change that.

  12. Kitty
    | Reply

    Mary? We’re still here, and we care about you.

  13. Kylie
    | Reply

    Mary, are you ok?

  14. Pat Kennedy
    | Reply

    Hey Mary, guess what…. you are human. Humans get mad and yell and want to break things, pumch someone who made you angry, or at least I do. If I could have my husband would have suffered untold pain. But, as a human I also realize there are consequences. And…tomorrow is another day. Scarlett O’Hara said it and it is very true. Sadly, and also happily, which ever you think fits, you are in the public eye. But all of us, with the exception of some delusional airheads, get mad, want to smash something, and scream, cry and get through that day.
    Hang in there kiddo. Scarlett was right. Tomorrow is another day. And, fiddle-dee-dee. You will be fine. Look how strong you are. Come visit. We will have tea. And chat.

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