Bad Day! No!

posted in: Day In The Life, Quilting 0
I know, little dude. Photo: Wikipedia, 2007.
I know, little dude. Photo: Wikipedia, 2007.

Yesterday was not a good day. It finished well, but it got off to a terrible start.

The terrible day began the night before, which seems unfair. I can share the following detail because a) I cannot remember the last time I did what I did and b) it’s pertinent to my tale of woe:

I was extremely hungover when I woke up. Why was I hungover? Because I was on a painfully lousy date the night before and it was so very, very lousy, I had two Sidecars and then basically chugged a snifter of armagnac. I also attribute my wild behavior to needing some kind of release after taping 40 shows in nine days: 27 Quilty, 13 Love of Quilting. Whatever the reasons, that is far, far too much liquor for me and probably anyone except Frank Sinatra. And in case you’re not aware, armagnac — which for our purposes here it’s essentially cognac — is not to be swilled. It’s a beautiful thing, a strong treat after dinner that is best shared (slowly) with another person over dessert. Part of the pleasantness of cognac or armagnac is that it’s served in a snifter, a footed glass with a wide bowl so that your hands warm the liquor as you take small sips. Did I warm my armagnac? No. Did I share it? No. This was foolish, but sometimes a girl just is and that’s that.

When I woke up, I woke up at four in the morning. I drink rarely because I can’t sleep for poop when I do. It’s not worth it. But my eyes blinked open and I felt wide awake and super grody. When was the last time I was hungover? For the life of me, I can’t remember.

Then, I looked at my bank balance. Not so great. Then I made blueberry paleo bread and it tasted amazing but was so raw in the middle, it was soup. Then I realized I forgot to pay rent this month because I have not been home in two weeks. Then I felt disturbed and scared about a pain that has developed in my abdomen around my ostomy scars. Then I did something that will make all the quilters in the audience gasp and possibly cry. I know I did both.

I washed my favorite quilt, “Whisper,” which is all-white. I neglected to take the hanging sleeve off the back. The hanging sleeve was attached by someone at a show where the quilt was on display and it was made with a multi-colored marbled fabric. The sleeve was not at all colorfast. And my beautiful quilt is now pink.

I know.

Not all of it. The top fourth. I wept. I crossed my arms, dropped my head, and cried. Pardon my French, but goddamnit. I travel this country and advise quilters about how to properly wash quilts. As the former editor of a quilt magazine and the host of several how-to quilting shows, I know, should know, how to properly wash a quilt, and I do. But I overlooked the sleeve. And now “Whisper” is kinda sorta ruined. The good news is that it’s immortalized in my book and will still keep a person warm. Maybe I’ll offer it for sale, on sale.*

We all make mistakes. We all have depressing dinners. We all take too much punch from time to time. And we take punches. I am well aware that my bad day could’ve been far, far worse (e.g., receiving a shattering diagnosis, receiving a life-altering phone call, etc.) but when I saw those pink patches and my head was throbbing, I didn’t feel wise. I felt like the dog’s breakfast.

Today is better.

*The price of Hey, Blue is $1100.

Quilts For Sale: Hey Blue

posted in: Quilting 0
Hey Blue, by Mary Fons, 2014.
Hey Blue, by Mary Fons, 2014.

I’ve decided to sell a few quilts from my large and ever-growing collection.

I make a lot of quilts. Many of them are for publication in magazines or books; many others are given to loved ones. There are certain quilts that are particularly important to me that I will keep for myself, but there is a growing number that I think might give other people happiness — and hey man, I gotta earn a living. So over the next few weeks/months, I’m going to offer a few quilts for sale.

This quilt is the first up on offer. It’s called “Hey, Blue” and it was pieced entirely by me in downtown Chicago in 2014. The block used (which measures 11 1/2”) is called “Butterfly at the Crossroads” and there are twenty of these blocks in total. The quilt is throw-size, measuring 66 x 75 1/2”.

The blocks are all made from scrappy blues; the background a consistent, real sweet modern shirting print. The back features a big swath of a Provencal white-and-blue floral, paired with a swath of a cheery orange and white modern floral print from Michael Miller, a lovely contrast when a bit peeks out from behind the top. The quilting was done on a longarm by professional longarmer LuAnn Downs and was featured in Quilty magazine in the Sep/Oct ’14 issue.

The price of the quilt is $1300 + the cost of insured shipping via FedEx. If you’re interested in purchasing this quilt, email me at mary (at) maryfons (dot) com. The first person to pipe up gets the sale. You can mail a check or we can do it via PayPal, then I’ll send along your new blankie.

If you’re interested in purchasing a quilt but miss this one, just keep reading. I have a lot of (rather lovely, I’d like to think) quilts and plan to cull the numbers until I can more freely move around my apartment.

Thanks, ya shopaholic!