


I am excited for 2017.
This is partly because 2016 has utterly exhausted everyone, including me — and it ain’t over yet — and also because seven is a fetching number to have in a year, don’t you think?
There was something else… Oh! I’m going to visit Claus!
My dear friend, my favorite philosophy professor: Claus. You know the fellow: movie dates, trips to visit my family’s old farm, the one-man paper supply. When I was notified a very, very, very cheap ticket to Berlin online the other day (seriously, that ticket was so low I’m concerned they’ve got me on a kite or a pigeon or something) I rang the man up. And we made a plan. And we celebrated, because Ze American and Ze German are going to have a week in January together in Berlin. Sure, it’ll be cold, but that’s what wool coats and hot coffee are for, right? I have already practiced the following two German words:
heißer Kaffee (hot coffee)
Wollemantel (wool coat)
The capitalization is the tough part.
But isn’t this just the best? I haven’t been out of the country since 2011, I’ve never been to Germany, and even before I met Claus, Germany was at the top of my wanna-go list. But of course the reason 2017 is going to be good is because Claus is there — at least for a week in January — and I miss that person.
There will be many pictures, much rejoicing, and probably strudel.

So it’s been over a year since I lived in Washington. Remember all that? Go back to November 2014 (you can click on the archives filter and get to it fastest that way) and read all about it. Heartbreak, unrest, rats. Cold.
I was looking for another poem for another reason and remembered that I wrote this one and never shared it. It’s called “A Brief: Washingtonian” and I rather like it. The meter does stay consistent throughout but you have to practice to get the emphasis on the proper word in some of the verses. (Believe me, I know; I worked on this a long time!)
I hope you enjoy this poem. It’s pretty melancholy but it’s also meant to be sort of sweet.
A Brief: Washingtonian
by Mary Fons (c) 2015
1.
From my art deco castle, I surveyed the land
The rivers, the sidewalks, Msr. L’Enfant’s plan;
The rain days were my best days; I felt kingdom come;
Connecticut Avenue an elephant’s trunk;
I signed the thick lease on December the First,
And I lived in that city and I watched from my perch.
When crinoline petticoat clouds would descend
And wring out the water that they’d been washed in,
The valley would deepen right in front of my eyes;
I loved every tree and miss the mist so:
It sifted the raindrops and slicked all the leaves,
And I’d watch from my throne with a hot cup of tea.
“You live in Washington?” the people would say,
“But how did you get there? and why would you stay?”
(I slouched there in sadness, cast out of Chicago
And New York left a rotted taste in my mouth;
When I fell in D.C. I hit the ground gently;
Not something you count on when you fall accidentally.)
2.
Sovereign Washington straddles two states:
The first offers mountains and wrought iron gates
That open to Arlington’s coveted park;
I saw storms roll in during burials there;
Boys keep on dying; girls at graves must remain —
Virginia’s for lovers and lovers love the rain.
The other half lives where Baltimore stays;
For Maryland’s only the Beltway away;
Colonist gentry ate plenty of land,
But the pushed, angry fringes refuse to go silent;
Molotov cocktails still light the sky,
We’ve two hundred years of the Fourth of July.
Old Gore Vidal said that D.C. was dead;
All of those legends in a rose garden bed;
All the past generals we’re ordered to owe;
Fathers who stand after years in the ground;
All of these corpses, cemented in stone
And we visit them, worship them, celebrate bones.
Young men in bowties walk to work on the Hill;
Scotch-swilling yes-men have secrets to spill;
They quench and they drench blue blazer lapels,
They pinch all the a**es in reach of their booth;
What hath the rules wrought, what shall become
Of a nation divided, of the coming undone.
Still the hovering District has life stuffed inside;
Buses and restaurants serving the tide
Of young men and women with audible smiles;
Lives here are mixed every way that can mean;
Art anchors the landscape from border to line;
Within days of arrival, I claimed all as mine
And furnished my life there and tastefully, too;
My gorgeous appointment near the National Zoo;
I mixed high and low and the ending result
Was a chamber at once both cozy and gilded;
I worked there and cooked there and looked at my hands
I slept there and kept there and made all sorts of plans.
4.
Then confused, I felt moved to leave D.C. behind;
I could tell all the reasons, but oh, nevermind;
I heid back to Chicago, the prodigal daughter;
Welcomed, embraced, she never stopped loving me;
My loyalty lives there — now returned, so do I,
I was never much more than a Washington spy.
In May, cherry blossoms kiss rows of trees;
I missed them that year (typical me);
I’ll visit them, though, sometime in the future
And try to remember what I needed that year;
I’ll touch the perfume and I’ll be okay —
And I’ll walk through the orchard, queen for a day.

In just over a week, I will have my first-ever, very official, art school critique. I am excited and nervous.
At the School of the Art Institute (SAIC), all classes are cancelled for one week near the end of each term for Crit Week. This is because the formal critique is given great importance here. Every student is assigned a panel of three faculty (visiting artists may also serve on panels) who look at that student’s work the week prior and then critique it with/for her at her appointed time.
My appointed time is Wednesday morning at 9 a.m. I will go into a room and sit in a chair and three people at a table will rip me apart, give me praise, ask me questions, etc. Gah!
Just today, I sent off pages to my panelists. What did I send?
I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you that I am writing a book. I mean a real-life, honest-to-goodness book, you guys. It’s got chapters and everything. It’s a collection of personal essays and I have to tell you: I’ve never worked harder as a writer in my life. There have been times in the past couple years when I got excited about the idea of writing a book — I even sent a proposal to several agents while I was living in D.C. and I did get several letters of interest back — but it wasn’t time and I didn’t have the fire within me.
Now that my quilts and my writing are married like never before, now that I’m exposed to the most extraordinary reading and art I’ve ever known, the fire has been lit. The book is happening. I’ve been working on it since school began. I can’t tell you too much more about it right now because that is dangerous. In fact, one of my advisors said to me the other day, “You should talk less about what you’re writing and just write it, instead.” This is good advice — and he was saying that while holding the latest 15 pages I had turned in that week, so I’m no slouch.
That’s what’s so incredible: I’m churning out pages like crazy because I’ve learned that when you’re really writing a book, it’s like being pregnant. What I mean is, the old saying “You can’t be ‘a little bit pregnant'” seems to parallel the writing of a book if you’re doing it in earnest. If you’re really writing a book, the energy is sort of shocking. There’s no halfway. I feel like this thing is coming — like a baby — and I’m just trying to get to the hospital in time.
True confession: It’s why I’ve been a little slow on posts lately. I’m writing so much but it’s like, where do I turn the hose?
I submitted two excerpts of the book to the crit panel; just over twenty pages. I’ve worked those pages, man. Hours and hours and hours. I’ll let you know how it goes. I thought about posting the panelists’ names and email addresses and so you could all send them super sweet, thinly-veiled threats to be nice to me, but that’s counter-productive: I want the truth. The truth will set you free. The truth is a far better read.

Tonight, PaperGirl, in partnership with NBC, CBS, ABC, and Netflix and HBO brings you this live, exclusive look into the life of Holiday Mary Fons, straight from Winterset, Iowa. With her now is Normal Mary Fons.
To set the scene: Holiday Mary Fons is lying on the couch, listlessly scrolling through Instagram. There is an empty pie plate nearby; HMF is wearing the same clothes she was wearing yesterday and the day before that. They’re not dirty, they’re just the same clothes. Normal Mary Fons has just finished working out and we are told she did important things all morning.
NMF and HMF have just finished exchanging pleasantries. We now go to the scene in progress:
NORMAL MARY FONS: So what happened?
HOLIDAY MARY FONS: What are you talking about.
NMF: You were going to post about the movie theater and have a special guest on and give an update on your friend. Look, I’ve got the link right here.
HMF: (Clicks on link; glances at post.) Oh, right, right. Yeah, that wasn’t me.
NMF: Don’t be silly. Of course it was you!
HMF: Nope. (HMF pulls a bag of cheese popcorn from behind the couch, begins to munch.) That’s your blog. I’m in holiday mode.
NMF: (MF looks at screen, then back at HMF, who is accumulating crumbs on her front.) I see.
HMF: Hey, don’t give me any dirty looks. I tried to be you. I had excellent intentions. But then I came to Iowa and it just happened.
NMF: What happened?
HMF: Naps. More naps. Books. Turkey. Frosting. Naps with dreams about gravy and stuff.
NMF: That’s really no excuse when —
HMF: You haven’t had my brother-in-law’s gravy. Trust me: My holiday zone is legit.
NMF: (Frustrated, pacing.) So you’ve had four days of sleeping and gravy, that’s what you’re telling me?
HMF: (Inspects fingers for cheddar cheese dust. Licks.) Yup.
NMF: Well, the party’s over. The holiday is done. It’s time to get back to school, get back to work and — are you listening to me?
(HMF has fallen asleep and is snoring on the couch. NMF goes over and shakes her awake.)
HMF: (Startled, she bolts upright.) WHAT TIME IS IT?!
NMF: Eight o’clock.
HMF: A.M. or P.M.?
NMF: You’re pathetic!
HMF: I’m happy!
NMF: Good!
HMF: Good!
NMF: Fine!
HMF: You fine!
NMF: You need more discipline!
HMF: You need more frosting!
NMF: You should’ve at least hung a sign on the blog to say you were being lazy instead of just disappearing!
HMF: But you’re the one who does that kind of thing, not me! You’re the one who hangs signs and is responsible — I just take naps! I can’t possibly write things.
NMF: Well you —
HMF: A-ha! Got you.
(NMF settles down. She takes out her phone.)
NMF: Okay, fine. I’m glad you had a break. I hope you feel refreshed, I really do. There’s a lot to do when we get home and I’m going to need your help. We need to post all the things we promised and more than that.
HMF: I disappear at midnight. You don’t have to worry about me. I feel great.
NMF: I’m slightly jealous of you.
HMF: (She produces a glass of prosecco and a two glasses.) We’ve got a few more hours, darling. Come sit down.
[END OF TRANSMISSION]

Thanksgiving 2016 is really shaping up to be a hot ticket.
I’m flying to Iowa tomorrow morning. My sister Hannah and her fella are coming in from New York City at almost the same time. Rebecca’s already there and Jack arrives tomorrow night. Mom and Mark are ready with cars and grocery lists and sweet little Scrabble, Mom’s Mini-Golden Doodle, will be there to jump up on everyone and get treats. (The latter two things are not related but Scrabble will think they are; ergo, more jumping.)
On Thanksgiving Day, we’ll all be volunteering at the Methodist Church to take Thanksgiving dinners to folks who can’t get out of the house and to serve up a delicious meal at the church for anyone else who needs one. This has become something of a Fons family tradition and I’m thrilled to be able to be there for it this year.
Coming up on PaperGirl during the break:
Whatever you’re doing, wherever you’re going — and even if you’re not doing much and going no place — I wish you all an early Happy Thanksgiving.
Anyone who donates to PaperGirl gets a handwritten thank-you note (I’m doing a batch this weekend), so if you’ve donated recently, you have evidence in hand of how grateful I am for you. For those who haven’t gotten any mail from me, well, I’d love to send you some. But donation or not, the sentiment remains the same: I write this blog because it brings me the pleasure of connecting with you. Sure, I practice writing, sure, I can talk about what I’m up to. But if that’s all it was, it would’ve gone away a long time ago, don’t you think?
I’m thankful for you! Gobble, gobble.